The road hasn't been so easy lately. Everything going on with my knee has taken a serious toll on my happiness and has really made things difficult. More and more, I'm being reminded that I'm not in control, and I just need to trust in God's timing. And more and more, I'm realizing how ridiculously hard that can be.
Knowing my surgeon appointment was coming up earlier this week, I really just had to surrender it all to Him and trust that His will would be done through my doctors. The news was different than we expected...there's a whole new problem in my knee that needs to be fixed through this upcoming surgery, totally different from what the last two surgeries were working to fix (although that problem isn't 100% either). All things considered, it really is working out very well. I don't have to cancel my trip to Arizona for spring break (YAY!) and I think I can still work out studying abroad in London this summer. But it does mean missing school and a lot of work, which is stressful. I feel really overwhelmed by the whole idea, but I know that it's what's best for my knee longterm, and I'm going to do everything I can with my work and my professors to make things work out.
"But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast." -Hebrews 3:6
I know that He will be faithful to me and not abandon me or lead me into harm. Surgery isn't fun and it isn't easy, but I know I'm surrounded by the most incredible family and friends that will be there by my side every step of the way, loving me and supporting me. God's plans for me are plans to prosper me and not to harm me, and I'm clinging to that through all of this. I'm trying my hardest to trust in His will, and His way, always.
I'm praying for my surgeon and his wisdom to be able to help my knee in the best ways possible, and that hopefully this surgery will last longer than the last ones have. I'm praying that I would find peace and refuge in the Lord when anxiety crashes down on me and tries to steal my joy. I'm praying that God would show me how to trust him through this, love him through this, and praise him through this.
2 comments:
Hi Rachel,
I know exactly how you are feeling as you prepare for another surgery, especially when it comes to those feelings of not being in control, but I also can assure you that God is in full control, which is the only way I was able to negotiate through each challenge as it crossed my path these past few years. Each time I find myself feeling overwhelmed I continue to find comfort & peace in reciting Phillipians 4:6-7 & Proverbs 3:5-6. They remind me to hand off my anxieties & fears to God. I, too, had a well thought-out, well-planned future for myself & when my boat was rocked I realized that God also had a plan for me & that I needed to accept with great certainty God's timing with every detail in my life. Well, I'm here to tell you that my path has been very different than I would have ever expected or planned, but I also know that God continues to take such good care of me & each detail that crosses my path. How blessed it is to have such an awesome God. Take gentle care, Rachel, & know that you are loved & cared for by so many of us that know you, & that you have our wonderful God who is taking care of all the details for you. Thoughts & prayers are always with you.
Love,
Mrs. Welchlin (smile)
Thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate it more than you know! Hope all is well.
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