This has been a challenging semester. It's been hard to be present here at JMU when I know my time here is ending so soon. I've spent a lot less time with people, and a lot more of my time alone.
Here's what I've been learning about life, people, and community.
I came to JMU after a rough four years of high school, and I was doing my life and my faith all on my own. I didn't want anybody else to get close to me, and I wanted to have control over everything myself. My small group and tiny group and small group leaders opened my eyes and my heart to the incredible power and need for community and accountability, and it was awesome. I grew so much in that-- I was so encouraged by them, so strengthened by their prayers and support and their love.
This year, leading my own small group of freshmen girls, I've again seen the power and the purpose of community in my faith. I've been burned out this semester. Making time for people has seemed near impossible, and I haven't prioritized it at all. I honestly haven't had much time for people, and when I do have time, I make excuses and back out and don't make plans. But every week, meeting up with my girls has made my heart happy. Seeing how they love each other and care for each other and are friends on their own without my co and I facilitating it is so encouraging.
People need people. Nobody is strong enough to go through life alone. I'm not strong enough to go through life alone, even though I try to be.
I've spent the last few weeks since spring break shutting everyone out and reflecting and processing things on my own. It's a time of such great uncertainty and transition in my life and I didn't know how to include people in the confusion of me trying to figure it all out. Shutting the world out and shutting your heart down isn't the right way to do anything. It isn't productive or constructive at all.
Getting lunch with my small group leader this week reminded me how much I really really need people. Why this is something that is so hard for me to really grasp, I'll never know. But it was such a good time of conversation. Such a valuable time of verbally processing what's been happening in my head and my heart, and hearing encouraging and loving feedback in response. Letting your heart be seen by another person is so rewarding, so humbling, and so freeing.
Note to myself: Rachel. Hello. People want to be in your life. Let them be. Cherish the time you have with people face-to-face.
And here's something else I've been realizing about community. At JMU, IV is a wonderful community. We stress it so much. Small groups are the heart of IV, and we're good at them. We're good at fostering groups that love each other and love God and seek to learn and grow together.
Newsflash. IV small groups don't exist in the real world. IV doesn't exist in the real world after graduation.
Yes, there are churches and groups to be a part of and accountability partners and all of that. But I think so many people put the life of their faith on small groups and large group. I took several weeks on my own, away from my small group and not going to large group, because I needed my faith to be my faith apart from those things.
People thought I was being a bad Christian, a bad small group member, a bad leader, a bad person. And at first, I felt like I was failing in all of those roles. But I soon realized that I wasn't failing. I was making my faith my own. I was focusing on my relationship with God outside of the groups of people that I'm a part of.
And that's a good thing.
If my faith only thrives because I'm going to small group and going to large group, what kind of faith is that? Yeah, it goes against the flow to remove yourself from those things. But sometimes, it's necessary. It doesn't mean you've failed. There's such a standard that we put on ourselves as IV members or leaders, and I don't like it, to be honest.
Let's be genuine lovers of Christ. Let's be genuine followers of where the Spirit is leading. Let's be genuine believers and disciples and children of God. If that means looking different than the rest of the world (or even the rest of the IV community), let's embrace that. God is doing something different in every heart. We aren't supposed to all look the same.
Yes, we need people. Yes, we need community. Yes, we need accountability. But even Jesus took time away from the hectic chaos and away from the crowds and even away from his closest friends and followers and his disciples. He knew time with his Father in silence and solitude was beautiful and necessary. He modeled this for us so clearly.
Just skim through the book of Matthew (for example). Look at every story of Jesus teaching or performing miracles. Look at the repetition at the beginning of so many of the passages. "Jesus withdrew." "Jesus went from there." "Jesus withdrew to a solitary place." "He went up on a mountainside by himself to pray." It goes on and on.
Withdrawing, being alone, finding solitude, praying in silence...it's important. Jesus showed us that time and time again. He needed time alone with his Father to be able to face the demands of the people. He loved being with them, he loved teaching them and healing them and pouring into them. But he needed to be alone at times, too.
Thank you, Jesus, for showing us that it's okay, and that it's GOOD, to spend time away from the craziness of life. Let us rest at Your feet just as much as we are out in the world on our feet.
Shutting everyone out and shutting down isn't what Jesus did. Yes, it's what I did for the past few weeks. But more and more, I've been realizing what I need in my life.
Balance.
I need people, and I need community. I need to spend time sharing my life with others, and hearing their stories too. I need vulnerability and accountability and closeness. And I need to make the time I have at JMU with all these wonderful people count.
And I need solitude. I need time alone. God knows my introverted spirit needs time by myself to recharge. I need time alone with my Father, time alone in prayer, in silence, in reflection, in worship.
I need time in the awesome IV community I have here at JMU, and I also need time apart from it. It won't last forever, and the transition to the real world is coming soon. But I'm here now, and I want to be fully here now-- with people, and alone.
Showing posts with label IV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IV. Show all posts
Monday, April 1, 2013
Sunday, September 23, 2012
NSR- Take two.
NSR (New Student Retreat). It's a weekend retreat an hour away from JMU in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, it takes place about a month into your freshman year, and you go with your small groups that you really hardly know.
Flashback to my freshman year. I went to the first IV Large Group with a friend who knew upperclassmen who were on exec. I signed up for a small group, and subsequently signed up for NSR a few weeks later. The girls in my small group seemed nice, but I had SO MANY guards built up, I had been hurt so much by so-called friends and past youth groups. I knew that I so desperately needed community, but I was so actively fighting it with all I had. I didn't want to share my story. I didn't want to let these girls in. I didn't want to be hurt again.
NSR was rough. I stayed glued to one girl's side, and everyone saw us as a clique and didn't really talk to us. I almost liked it, because it gave me a reason to feel entitled to keep my guards up. I loved worship, I loved CJ's talks, I loved being out at Highland Retreat Center. But I did not at all want to talk to these girls or share anything about myself with them. So I didn't. Our leaders (Anna and Vianne, you guys are awesome) tried so hard to get us all to talk and share, but it just was not happening. They had to call me out to get me to talk, and it just pissed me off even more. "If I wanted to talk, I would have talked," I kept thinking. I just kept on building up my walls even higher, keeping them out more and more.
Now flash forward to this year. I've grown SO MUCH in the past two years, I've shared my testimony and my life with the girls in my small group, and we've become a community, best friends, and family. I could never picture my life without those girls by my side through everything- God has moved mountains in my life through that support system and group. And now I'm leading my own group of freshman girls.
I was so anxious about this NSR weekend. I didn't want it to be like my experience was. I wanted to be excited about it, present in it, and open to what God had in store. Well, He blew me away. Not all of our girls could come, but we had an awesome group of 6 girls there with Stephie and I. We laughed, we were goofy, we sang a LOT of One Direction to practice for our freshman parody skit, we ate a lot, we had lots of inside jokes, and we got more real with each other.
The talks were awesome, as they always are. The worship was powerful. And our small group time was so much more than I ever expected. Getting to see the hearts of our girls and to start to deepen our relationships was so incredible. I never expected to be so overcome with emotions that I would cry...I'm really not a crier. I just was so in awe of what God was doing, of how present He was in the weekend, and of what He was reminding me of throughout it all.
God is so sovereign, so in control of everything I stress over and worry about. He has it, and He can do more with it than I could ever dream of. And He did. I'm so thankful for this weekend. I'm thankful for the girls I get to hang out with and get to know and lead. I'm thankful for a co-leader who is just awesome. I'm thankful that God loves me like He does, in such an overwhelming and unending way. I'm thankful that He equips me daily with everything I need, and that He covers me with grace that I can't understand.
Small groups rock. I'm so unbelievably blessed and in awe that I get to lead one. God is awesome. NSR is the best. The end.
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| DOE bridge pose! |
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| DOE piggybacks |
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| DOE "FOR NARNIAAAAA" |
Flashback to my freshman year. I went to the first IV Large Group with a friend who knew upperclassmen who were on exec. I signed up for a small group, and subsequently signed up for NSR a few weeks later. The girls in my small group seemed nice, but I had SO MANY guards built up, I had been hurt so much by so-called friends and past youth groups. I knew that I so desperately needed community, but I was so actively fighting it with all I had. I didn't want to share my story. I didn't want to let these girls in. I didn't want to be hurt again.
NSR was rough. I stayed glued to one girl's side, and everyone saw us as a clique and didn't really talk to us. I almost liked it, because it gave me a reason to feel entitled to keep my guards up. I loved worship, I loved CJ's talks, I loved being out at Highland Retreat Center. But I did not at all want to talk to these girls or share anything about myself with them. So I didn't. Our leaders (Anna and Vianne, you guys are awesome) tried so hard to get us all to talk and share, but it just was not happening. They had to call me out to get me to talk, and it just pissed me off even more. "If I wanted to talk, I would have talked," I kept thinking. I just kept on building up my walls even higher, keeping them out more and more.
Now flash forward to this year. I've grown SO MUCH in the past two years, I've shared my testimony and my life with the girls in my small group, and we've become a community, best friends, and family. I could never picture my life without those girls by my side through everything- God has moved mountains in my life through that support system and group. And now I'm leading my own group of freshman girls.
I was so anxious about this NSR weekend. I didn't want it to be like my experience was. I wanted to be excited about it, present in it, and open to what God had in store. Well, He blew me away. Not all of our girls could come, but we had an awesome group of 6 girls there with Stephie and I. We laughed, we were goofy, we sang a LOT of One Direction to practice for our freshman parody skit, we ate a lot, we had lots of inside jokes, and we got more real with each other.
The talks were awesome, as they always are. The worship was powerful. And our small group time was so much more than I ever expected. Getting to see the hearts of our girls and to start to deepen our relationships was so incredible. I never expected to be so overcome with emotions that I would cry...I'm really not a crier. I just was so in awe of what God was doing, of how present He was in the weekend, and of what He was reminding me of throughout it all.
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| our new bridge pose :) |
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| piggybacks |
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| Our inside joke pose ;) |
God is so sovereign, so in control of everything I stress over and worry about. He has it, and He can do more with it than I could ever dream of. And He did. I'm so thankful for this weekend. I'm thankful for the girls I get to hang out with and get to know and lead. I'm thankful for a co-leader who is just awesome. I'm thankful that God loves me like He does, in such an overwhelming and unending way. I'm thankful that He equips me daily with everything I need, and that He covers me with grace that I can't understand.
Small groups rock. I'm so unbelievably blessed and in awe that I get to lead one. God is awesome. NSR is the best. The end.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Be Thou My Vision
Life has been moving at an insane speed since I last posted. I got home from London, Kyle visited for two weeks, I moved back to Harrisonburg and into the Dugout, I started training to be a freshman small group leader with IV, classes started, I went back to work, my health got significantly worse and no doctors have found answers, etc.
Here I am though, still trusting that God is good and sovereign amidst the craziness of my busy life, and still failing and needing His grace more and more.
Things I need to remember:
1. He is good, He is glorious, He is full of grace.
2. I'm nothing without Him.
3. The girls I'm leading are girls He loves fully and completely and deeply, and they are His creation. Nothing I do matters more than that. Loving them like He does is my goal.
4. My flesh may fail (and it most definitely is), but His spirit is so strong in me. My weaknesses let me rely more fully on His all sufficient strength.
5. I need to take one thing at a time and present all my concerns and fears and worries constantly to my Father in prayer. I don't need to get overwhelmed by my busy schedule and growing to-do list.
I've been constantly reminding myself of the words to the beautiful hymn "Be Thou My Vision"...
By thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
may I reach Heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, O Ruler of all.
Here I am though, still trusting that God is good and sovereign amidst the craziness of my busy life, and still failing and needing His grace more and more.
Things I need to remember:
1. He is good, He is glorious, He is full of grace.
2. I'm nothing without Him.
3. The girls I'm leading are girls He loves fully and completely and deeply, and they are His creation. Nothing I do matters more than that. Loving them like He does is my goal.
4. My flesh may fail (and it most definitely is), but His spirit is so strong in me. My weaknesses let me rely more fully on His all sufficient strength.
5. I need to take one thing at a time and present all my concerns and fears and worries constantly to my Father in prayer. I don't need to get overwhelmed by my busy schedule and growing to-do list.
I've been constantly reminding myself of the words to the beautiful hymn "Be Thou My Vision"...
By thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
may I reach Heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, O Ruler of all.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Here and now and looking ahead
Freshman year. 2010. It was a gross rainy day, and I moved in to my first dorm room in McGraw Long Hall here at JMU.
End of sophomore year. 2012. It was a cold rainy day, and I moved out of my last dorm room in Huffman Hall.
It's funny how things like that repeat themselves, but it's even more comforting to know that God is working it all out perfectly, orchestrating things in the magnificent way that only He can. It always comes back to Him, it comes back to His will and His way.
So much has changed in these past two years living on campus and going to classes and being involved in InterVarsity, I can't even express it all. As this year comes to a close, we're all reflecting a lot on where we are now and where we came from and what's still yet to come, and it's honestly just blowing my mind.
God is so real. He's so perfect and glorious and incredible, He sees the whole big picture yet works in the details, He loves me when I fight against Him and when I seek Him with everything. I can't even comprehend how much I've changed since my first day of college, and how none of it was because of me at all, but all because He loves me and never gives up on me.
I was broken. Now I'm being restored in Him.
I was lost. Now I'm found in Him.
I wanted control. Now I surrender more freely.
I was seeking. Now I'm finding.
I was empty. Now I'm full of life and the One who gives it.
I was wandering. Now I'm walking in trust and faith alongside my Creator.
I was alone. Now I'm surrounded by a family of sisters in Christ that blow my mind daily.
I was unsure. Now I stand in confidence that He has plans for me.
God never stops working. He will never just think I'm good enough and there's no more to be done. He will never give up on me, no matter how many times I fail and stumble and fall down on my face. He never stops changing me and growing me and opening my eyes to more of who He is and what that means for who I am. It's been two years of more growth and maturation than I ever could have imagined, and there will only be more until He calls me home. And I'm seriously STOKED about that! My God is so good and all I am or do is for His glory.
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." -Psalm 9:10
End of sophomore year. 2012. It was a cold rainy day, and I moved out of my last dorm room in Huffman Hall.
It's funny how things like that repeat themselves, but it's even more comforting to know that God is working it all out perfectly, orchestrating things in the magnificent way that only He can. It always comes back to Him, it comes back to His will and His way.
So much has changed in these past two years living on campus and going to classes and being involved in InterVarsity, I can't even express it all. As this year comes to a close, we're all reflecting a lot on where we are now and where we came from and what's still yet to come, and it's honestly just blowing my mind.
God is so real. He's so perfect and glorious and incredible, He sees the whole big picture yet works in the details, He loves me when I fight against Him and when I seek Him with everything. I can't even comprehend how much I've changed since my first day of college, and how none of it was because of me at all, but all because He loves me and never gives up on me.
I was broken. Now I'm being restored in Him.
I was lost. Now I'm found in Him.
I wanted control. Now I surrender more freely.
I was seeking. Now I'm finding.
I was empty. Now I'm full of life and the One who gives it.
I was wandering. Now I'm walking in trust and faith alongside my Creator.
I was alone. Now I'm surrounded by a family of sisters in Christ that blow my mind daily.
I was unsure. Now I stand in confidence that He has plans for me.
God never stops working. He will never just think I'm good enough and there's no more to be done. He will never give up on me, no matter how many times I fail and stumble and fall down on my face. He never stops changing me and growing me and opening my eyes to more of who He is and what that means for who I am. It's been two years of more growth and maturation than I ever could have imagined, and there will only be more until He calls me home. And I'm seriously STOKED about that! My God is so good and all I am or do is for His glory.
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." -Psalm 9:10
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Drawing near
The sheer number of ways that God has blown me away lately are seriously too high to count. I said earlier this week at small group that my "happy" of my past week had been being on a serious spiritual high, and it was instantly pointed out (Vianne, THANK YOU, you're awesome), and I SERIOUSLY agree, that this way I'm feeling is going to stick around.
God is at WORK. He is on fire and He has awakened my soul and I'm hungry for Him in a way I've never felt before.
There's just something awesome about how God draws near to us when we draw near to Him. I've never seen this more clearly than I have this year. Doing the Draw Near quiet time initiative this month and having a clear intention and focus in my quiet times these past few weeks has been an awesome jumping off point for God to just wow me. And He has, in ways I don't even know how to explain.
Looking back on who I was when I came to JMU and at how I've grown in my relationship with Christ and just as a person and as a daughter of the King in the semesters since then is incredible. I don't even recognize the girl that I was two years ago. The Lord has been refining me through the fire and molding me and shaping me and growing me into someone that is so much more focused on Him than on things of this world.
God is SO GOOD. Every semester, I grow and I learn and I change so much and I think, "God is awesome. How does it get better than this?! I love this place that I'm in and everything that He's showing me despite all the challenges I've faced. Where will I go from here?!" But there's always more. God's not done, He's not finished, He's not giving up on me because I've gotten better.
There's more ahead. How awesome is that? To know that even though I've come so far, there's still more ahead! There are still so many plans and so much more refining to be done in every aspect of who I am. I'm so excited for that. I'm craving more.
I want more of Him. I want so much less of me; I want to give up everything I've ever held on to or put before Him or devoted my heart to in place of Him. I want to surrender. I WANT TO. When would the old Rachel have ever said that?! When would I ever have wanted to not be the one in control?!
It blows my mind how desperately I want to lay down at His feet and just give it all up. I want to raise my white flag and wave it boldly and then bow down humbly in awe and fear of my Savior and Creator.
I can't get over how near He is to me. How evidently I can feel Him. How clearly I'm seeing Him at work in the details of my life. How powerful He is to break chains and bring freedom. How sovereign He is.
Abba, I love you. With everything.
God is at WORK. He is on fire and He has awakened my soul and I'm hungry for Him in a way I've never felt before.
There's just something awesome about how God draws near to us when we draw near to Him. I've never seen this more clearly than I have this year. Doing the Draw Near quiet time initiative this month and having a clear intention and focus in my quiet times these past few weeks has been an awesome jumping off point for God to just wow me. And He has, in ways I don't even know how to explain.
Looking back on who I was when I came to JMU and at how I've grown in my relationship with Christ and just as a person and as a daughter of the King in the semesters since then is incredible. I don't even recognize the girl that I was two years ago. The Lord has been refining me through the fire and molding me and shaping me and growing me into someone that is so much more focused on Him than on things of this world.
God is SO GOOD. Every semester, I grow and I learn and I change so much and I think, "God is awesome. How does it get better than this?! I love this place that I'm in and everything that He's showing me despite all the challenges I've faced. Where will I go from here?!" But there's always more. God's not done, He's not finished, He's not giving up on me because I've gotten better.
There's more ahead. How awesome is that? To know that even though I've come so far, there's still more ahead! There are still so many plans and so much more refining to be done in every aspect of who I am. I'm so excited for that. I'm craving more.
I want more of Him. I want so much less of me; I want to give up everything I've ever held on to or put before Him or devoted my heart to in place of Him. I want to surrender. I WANT TO. When would the old Rachel have ever said that?! When would I ever have wanted to not be the one in control?!
It blows my mind how desperately I want to lay down at His feet and just give it all up. I want to raise my white flag and wave it boldly and then bow down humbly in awe and fear of my Savior and Creator.
I can't get over how near He is to me. How evidently I can feel Him. How clearly I'm seeing Him at work in the details of my life. How powerful He is to break chains and bring freedom. How sovereign He is.
Abba, I love you. With everything.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
soledad and sabbath.
Back in high school, someone introduced me to this huge, open field behind a neighborhood that was always quiet, surrounded by trees, and full of wildflowers and bugs and wild grasses. We called it Soledad, which means "solitude" in Spanish.
I hardly ever think about that place anymore, but what I miss about it is the overwhelming sense of peace and relaxation that it provided me. I loved just going there to sit and think and just wonder. The name was so fitting for that place- solitude is defined as "the state or situation of being alone", or "a lonely or uninhabited place".
This weekend, all my suitemates went home, and I was alone in the suite. For the first time in a long time, I was completely alone for quite a while, and I really went through quite a range of emotions because of it.
At first, I didn't like it. I felt agitated. I felt the need to call all my best friends and just talk about nothing, just so I wouldn't feel like I was by myself. I felt anxious, thinking every noise was something about to get me. But then time went on, and I started to feel a whole new sense of calm. I was able to truly relax, without any interruptions or distractions or anyone else's thoughts or words crowding in on my own. I was able to just be myself with no fear of anyone else watching or noticing.
What struck me most about those hours of solitude and being alone, was how I eventually didn't feel alone at all. There weren't any people around me, but I wasn't alone.
Jesus is called Immanuel- God with us. We aren't ever alone, we aren't ever abandoned. And it took me being actually alone in the suite for me to really realize what that feels like. Knowing that technically, yes, I was the only one there, but I wasn't on my own, was a very comforting and calming thought.
"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." -Colossians 1:17
The more I started thinking about solitude, the more I realized it has to do with keeping the Sabbath. Learning more about what having a Sabbath really means this semester at Large Group has shown me so clearly that my alone time with my Savior is so crucial. I know that I am so restless until I rest in Him. I know that I need to just be still and know that God is God despite anything in the world around me that might try to tell me otherwise.
Solitude and Sabbath go hand in hand for me. I have really come to cherish my alone time and my Sabbaths, where I can just rest in Him and find joy and peace in the completeness of the week and the promise of the plans He has prepared for me in the days ahead.
I've been learning more and more how to remember and declare the good works of God and relinquish the things ahead, as hard as that might be.
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deut. 31:8
I've really been realizing that my introvert self needs and craves alone time and my quiet times with my Father and my Sabbaths spent resting in the promise and glory of all that He is. I love my times of solitude.
I don't need the wide open spaces of that grassy field to find my soledad. I've found my rest in my God.
Monday, October 3, 2011
the tests of time.
I haven't forgotten about this blog, life has just been such a whirlwind lately. I haven't been able to catch my breath and slow down enough to truly think, analyze, process, and make enough sense of my thoughts to put it into words so publicly.
This semester has been challenging in so many new ways, but I'm learning so many awesome lessons through it all. Because I know you're so intrigued, let me share them with you.
1. Challenges in life may seem big, but God is so much bigger.
2. The battle of being vulnerable versus guarding your heart is so, so hard to fight, especially when you try to figure it out all on your own.
3. The body of Christ is incredible. The body of Christ on this campus is SO incredible; I've finally found a community of the most supportive and passionate fellow believers and it's a feeling I can't explain. I'm home.
4. JMU really is where I'm supposed to be, even if doubts and insecurities build up in my own head trying to convince me otherwise.
5. I went through all of the pain and heartbreak that I went through in past relationships not just to make me a "better" or "stronger" person, but to give me a heart for sex trafficking and human trafficking in the world today. Never have I felt so passionately about an issue. Never have I had my heart ache for injustice in the world so deeply. Never have I so badly wanted to just SERVE and be used by God.
"In faithfulness, he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth."
-Isaiah 42:3-4
6. Good things come when you least expect them. God works in such mysterious ways.
7. Home really just is where the heart is. And it's okay that mine finds homes in Arizona, in Richmond with my parents and brother, around Harrisonburg on this gorgeous campus, and around the world with my dreams for the future.
8. Being with someone that cares about me so much, challenges me to grow and be better and face my doubts, and supports me through anything and everything is showing me more and more how much God loves me so perfectly, unconditionally, and endlessly.
"In this you will greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
-1 Peter 1:6-7
This semester has been challenging in so many new ways, but I'm learning so many awesome lessons through it all. Because I know you're so intrigued, let me share them with you.
1. Challenges in life may seem big, but God is so much bigger.
2. The battle of being vulnerable versus guarding your heart is so, so hard to fight, especially when you try to figure it out all on your own.
3. The body of Christ is incredible. The body of Christ on this campus is SO incredible; I've finally found a community of the most supportive and passionate fellow believers and it's a feeling I can't explain. I'm home.
4. JMU really is where I'm supposed to be, even if doubts and insecurities build up in my own head trying to convince me otherwise.
"And in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28
5. I went through all of the pain and heartbreak that I went through in past relationships not just to make me a "better" or "stronger" person, but to give me a heart for sex trafficking and human trafficking in the world today. Never have I felt so passionately about an issue. Never have I had my heart ache for injustice in the world so deeply. Never have I so badly wanted to just SERVE and be used by God.
"In faithfulness, he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth."
-Isaiah 42:3-4
6. Good things come when you least expect them. God works in such mysterious ways.
7. Home really just is where the heart is. And it's okay that mine finds homes in Arizona, in Richmond with my parents and brother, around Harrisonburg on this gorgeous campus, and around the world with my dreams for the future.
8. Being with someone that cares about me so much, challenges me to grow and be better and face my doubts, and supports me through anything and everything is showing me more and more how much God loves me so perfectly, unconditionally, and endlessly.
"In this you will greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
-1 Peter 1:6-7
Thursday, August 11, 2011
the path ahead.
Hope has changed my life this summer. Hope Church, that is. The ways God has worked through that place and those people are incredible.
At the last week of The U, a few of us shared a bit of our stories and what beatitude we related the most to, as we had studied one beatitude each week throughout the summer. I went first, and it was awesome getting to just talk about my life and how I've seen God move in it, especially through college and this summer.
When preparing for these little interview sessions, Nicole told us she might ask us "In a year from now, if you were to be back here again, what do you hope to have seen change in your life?" She didn't end up asking me that question in front of the group, but it really got me thinking. A few days after that, I had a conversation with a new friend that I met through The U as well, and he asked me what my answer to that question would be.
So, here's my answer. In a year from now, I hope that I will have sought God wholeheartedly and unashamedly and lived out my life and my faith with a boldness like I've never had before. This past year has been full of such insane growth in my faith, and most specifically in the realization that I truly need community and accountability in my life. Before college, I tried to do everything on my own and didn't want to let anyone in; I didn't want anybody to be able to hurt me like I had been hurt before. But being in IV and my small group shattered that skewed perception I had in my head and showed me that vulnerability and accountability is so precious and leads to such depth and intimacy that then leads you so much closer to the heart of who God truly is.
I want to build on the momentum that's been growing in me this year and take my faith to new heights and new depths. I don't want to just live my life for me, sheltered in my little world. I want God to move mountains through me, to shine a light through me that is powerful and wonderful and that humbles me like never before.
I'm so excited for this year; for the opportunities and experiences I know lie ahead, for being back with my small group and the ways we'll learn and grow together, for just being back on campus, surrounded by believers and strangers and just friends all alike. I'm so ready for God to take my heart and shape it and perfect it and chisel it away to become more like His, in the best of times and the hardest and most challenging of times.
Next summer, I want to look back on my sophomore year and see God so clearly and vividly. I want Rachel to fade away and God to shine brightly. I know God is writing my story; I want him to be the star. I'm just a member of His cast, and I want Him to move powerfully in me and through me this year.
"Jesus calls you to be his intimate ally once more. There are great things to be done and great sacrifices to be made. You won't lose heart if you know what's really going on here, where this Story is headed and what your Lover has promised to you."
-Epic by John Eldredge
At the last week of The U, a few of us shared a bit of our stories and what beatitude we related the most to, as we had studied one beatitude each week throughout the summer. I went first, and it was awesome getting to just talk about my life and how I've seen God move in it, especially through college and this summer.
When preparing for these little interview sessions, Nicole told us she might ask us "In a year from now, if you were to be back here again, what do you hope to have seen change in your life?" She didn't end up asking me that question in front of the group, but it really got me thinking. A few days after that, I had a conversation with a new friend that I met through The U as well, and he asked me what my answer to that question would be.
So, here's my answer. In a year from now, I hope that I will have sought God wholeheartedly and unashamedly and lived out my life and my faith with a boldness like I've never had before. This past year has been full of such insane growth in my faith, and most specifically in the realization that I truly need community and accountability in my life. Before college, I tried to do everything on my own and didn't want to let anyone in; I didn't want anybody to be able to hurt me like I had been hurt before. But being in IV and my small group shattered that skewed perception I had in my head and showed me that vulnerability and accountability is so precious and leads to such depth and intimacy that then leads you so much closer to the heart of who God truly is.
I want to build on the momentum that's been growing in me this year and take my faith to new heights and new depths. I don't want to just live my life for me, sheltered in my little world. I want God to move mountains through me, to shine a light through me that is powerful and wonderful and that humbles me like never before.
I'm so excited for this year; for the opportunities and experiences I know lie ahead, for being back with my small group and the ways we'll learn and grow together, for just being back on campus, surrounded by believers and strangers and just friends all alike. I'm so ready for God to take my heart and shape it and perfect it and chisel it away to become more like His, in the best of times and the hardest and most challenging of times.
Next summer, I want to look back on my sophomore year and see God so clearly and vividly. I want Rachel to fade away and God to shine brightly. I know God is writing my story; I want him to be the star. I'm just a member of His cast, and I want Him to move powerfully in me and through me this year.
"Jesus calls you to be his intimate ally once more. There are great things to be done and great sacrifices to be made. You won't lose heart if you know what's really going on here, where this Story is headed and what your Lover has promised to you."
-Epic by John Eldredge
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