Monday, March 19, 2012

Define: my knee

Sometimes I feel like I'm defined by my knee. It's always the first thing people ask about, it's always on my mind and causing me pain, my life is scheduled around doctors appointments and physical therapy. Surgery last week put me back out of the normal swing of things and kept me in Richmond instead of letting me go back to JMU when everyone else did. I've spent a week on the couch, needing my family to help me with just about everything, as I can't walk or get things for myself.

I've been totally dependent, and I've learned a lot from it. I've learned how much my family loves me and how blessed I am to have parents that sacrifice so much for me and my health. They've had to miss work and listen to me cry and whine and pay crazy bills and get me water and my medicine countless times when I'm sure they didn't want to get up and get it, and they've loved me through all of it. I can't express my gratitude to them enough for all they've done for me and will continue to do for me as I continue on this healing process.

I've learned that I have seriously awesome friends. It would be really easy for people to forget about me- they're busy with their lives back in AZ or at JMU, and I'm totally out of sight. But I haven't been out of their minds and hearts, and I've felt that loud and strong from them. They've sent encouraging texts, written on my Facebook wall, checked up on me, a bunch of my best friends even drove down from JMU for the day just to hang out with me and bring me cards and goodies.  They TOTALLY did not need to make that drive just for a few hours hanging out in my family room, but it meant the world to me that they would do it just to be with me. I'm so blessed.

I've learned that when I'm weak, it makes God even more strong. I don't have to have it all together to come before Him and worship. He doesn't love me any less or view me as any less of a person of any less value, even though those thoughts love to seep in to my heart and bring me down. I'm still the daughter He created, and He still loves me as I am, completely and unconditionally. Nothing, not even this injury that won't seem to go away, will make me any less to Him. There's such humility and comfort and beauty and just peace for me in that promise.

So, I'm still healing. I'm still far from where I want to be. I know the road ahead of me is going to be so physically challenging and demanding, and I know that even at the end of the recovery from this surgery, there are probably many more ahead. But I'm choosing to stay optimistic, push myself, and know that I'm blessed and this is just a part of my story. My knee doesn't define all of who I am. It's just one part of me. The broken things don't define me. I'm focusing on the positives and the joy and how God is using this to refine me and grow me in so many new ways. I'm going to get through this and be so much stronger as a result, in more ways than one.