Tuesday, July 19, 2011

the beauty of letting go.

I've been just sitting on my bed, staring off into space for the past half hour or so. There are tons of things I really should be doing, but here I am, just looking around my room at things I've seen millions of times.

As I look around, I see a lot of red, black, and white. When we moved into this house, I decided that would be my color scheme. A neutral tan color on the walls, red comforter, and black and white accents. I even took this so far as to only put up black and white pictures around my room.

When I was getting ready to move into my dorm at JMU last fall, my roommate and I decided we should discuss our room and what ideas we had so that things would match, etc. We also decided on a color scheme. Black and aqua. Believe me, almost everything I bought was one of these two colors.

Now that I'm sitting here just letting my mind wander, I'm realizing that this can be a kind of crazy and probably far fetched, yet still legitimate, metaphor for my life as a whole.

I start off with a plan. It's detailed and specific and includes every little minuscule component. It's well thought out and I'm confident in it. It feels right, it feels like me....but then time goes by. And I start to get bored. I start to see things in stores that I wish I had bought for my room instead of just the things in my color scheme. I start to envy the way other people put things together. I start to doubt my whole plan completely.

And then, I start to realize my plan maybe wasn't the most perfect plan after all. Yes, I had planned it out quite well, but I never asked for other inputs, I never considered other options, I never just let my room come together over time, believing that it would all work out if I just let go and let it. I was so set on the plan I had made for myself that I didn't even see that there were other, more amazing ideas and plans out there that I would have discovered if I had just had faith that it would all come together.

And now, I'm realizing how true this is of my character when it comes to God. I have my plan. My colors all match. But I realize that there's probably a much better plan waiting for me if I just give up my need for control. There's more to me than just three colors that I think I like. There's more to life than just the things I think I'm good at. There's more to God's plan for me than just my plans for myself.

Letting go and letting God leads to a much fuller, vibrant, beautiful, and eclectic life than the one my control-hungry self could ever dream of. This summer has been such a time of growth for me, and I've realized that giving up my plans and completely surrendering is so freeing and amazing. Yeah, it's scary. Accepting that God's plan may be absolutely nothing like what you had in mind isn't the easiest idea to come to terms with, but I know His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and future.

"There is hope, for me yet, because God won't forget, all the plans He's made for me
I have to wait and see, He's not finished with me yet, He's not finished with me yet..."

-Brandon Heath "Wait and See"

I'm so, so excited to see what's next in the story God has written for me, and it's more than worth it to let go of my own plans to let His reign in my life.

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